My China cabinet broke today. It isn’t a typical china cabinet that holds fancy dishes; it is a glass-topped display table in which I kept some cherished, irreplaceable souvenirs from my stay in China a dozen years ago.

(Come to think of it, my fancy dishes are in boxes and haven’t been used in years … I often wonder why I didn’t register for melamine and Tupperware instead of Mikasa, but I digress.)

I know it’s just a piece of furniture, but it was special to me as one of the few “pretty” things in my house … one of the few things that is fragile, not made of plastic, not a hand-me-down from relatives, not boxed up. I was upset that the cabinet broke – though thankful that the munchkin who broke it didn’t get hurt – but as I cleaned up the shattered glass and put the treasures safely away elsewhere, it felt symbolic of a changing era.

I have always reflected back on my time in China as a crossroads in my life … not a high point, spiritually or emotionally speaking, because it was quite wearisome at times … but certainly as a coming-of-age time. It was a time when I learned to listen to God and try to figure out how my miniscule life fits into his grandiose plan.

This morning’s sermon at church, ironically enough, was on Personal Ministry. The pastor made a few comments that struck me, so I jotted them down:

• “Most of us walk away from personal ministry because we don’t have the spiritual foundation to know what step comes next.”
• “They (the disciples) did what they knew how to do so that God could do what only He can do.”
• “We feel dissatisfied with personal ministry because we go down a path He never told us to go down.”

Boy, I have certainly experienced those statements, for the better and the worse. When I came home from China (and several moments throughout the intervening years), I felt like I was walking away from God’s call on my life. Yet, I did what I knew to do at the time, and God worked things out, according to His purpose … not mine.  The broken table brought back a flood of memories and made me feel like that part of my life was “broken” again. I don’t know how to explain it, but I trust God to show me the next steps.