What would be helpful to write? That I’m exhausted and ready for several hours of uninterrupted, dreamless sleep? That my body was shivering from the inside out during my eulogy, even though people said I appeared calm and collected? That a part of me wanted to stroke his soft buzzed-cut hair and command him awake in the name of Jesus from where he lay in his casket? Surely I loved my brother as much as Mary & Martha loved theirs. There’s no sense comparing apples to oranges, even though the same God who raised Lazarus is just as powerful today as he was then. The fact remains that God spared my brother’s life once and gave him back to us for 10 ½ years, but this time, He chose to bring him home.

God doesn’t have to answer to me – He is the one who is sovereign. He can still receive glory from my pain & heartache and the anguish I feel right now at the loss of my brother and the compounding responsibilities of caring for his two boys weigh heavy on my shoulders.

In fact, I believe the visitation & services last night and today did honor God, and I’ve heard of one story, in particular, when a co-worker of a family member asked another co-worker (who is a Christian): “How can they be so calm?” to which the colleague replied: “Because they have Jesus.” Glory to God in the highest!