It dawned on me this morning when I woke up rather abruptly from a very vivid dream that I don’t think I’ve dreamed about Nathan like that before now. I’ve had dreams about him and replayed memories in my mind’s eye of times with him, but last night’s dream was different. It was a real-time, conversation type of dream.

I’ve been rereading “New Moon” (in anticipation of the movie in November!), so perhaps my sub-conscious decided it, too, needed a Bella-esque sleep drama. Maybe it’s because my life is so stressful right now … who knows.

The details are sketchy, but I remember being utterly stunned when I saw him. He had a pensive look on his face but was pleased to see me. I wasn’t alone, though I don’t remember who else was with us. In my selfish unconscious, he spoke only to me.

He sat in an arm chair in a living room setting that was nothing like any house I recognized. I bombarded him with questions to be sure I wasn’t hallucinating, and I determined that he was actually there, in a tangible sense. At one point, he looked off in the distance and said, “So, thanks for what you’re doing, and thanks for getting my computer up and running again.” (Hey, it’s a dream, so asinine comments are allowed, I suppose.) I shrugged off his superficial comment and mumbled something about one monitor not working and how I had rigged my old laptop with the broken screen to another monitor so it was usable again. He looked at me and smiled approvingly. That’s when I broke down.

I crumbled onto the floor, wailing and sobbing. I asked him if he knew how much we missed him and how very, very hard this is on me and how much I need him. He looked at me again, this time with so much compassion in his eyes, the kind of look that I can only remember once or twice seeing in real life. He just said, “I know.”

Then, the conversation switched to something ridiculous about how to keep the boys or anyone else from seeing him, because it would be too confusing. You see, he wasn’t sure how long he would be able to stay. If it wasn’t permanently (and even if it was), how could we even begin to explain to people?! I suggested that he change into another avatar (creative license in dreamland again, remember?), and he thought this was a brilliant idea, thank you very much.

That’s about all I remember. It struck me how – in the book – Bella is obsessed with hearing Edward’s voice in her head … during my dream, I don’t remember being overcome by the sound of his voice, but now that I’m awake again, I miss it already.