I attended the Baylor chaplain’s Christmas prayer service for the bereaved tonight. I wasn’t feeling particularly sad when I arrived, although I did have a trying day with Riley at daycare and was still a bit frazzled from having to deal with that. There was just something about walking into a quiet, peaceful room with a young man playing acoustic guitar and a few candles lit here and there — I felt such a sense of rest & release. I had one of those spiritually awake moments when you feel like the whole service was meant for you and you alone.

The service began with an Invitation to Mourn. Amidst the holiday hullabaloo, those who are grieving, sad, distraught and broken can easily feel overwhelmed or excluded. We were reminded that if this doesn’t feel like “the most wonderful time of the year,” we are in good company. Even the key characters in the original Christmas story weren’t exactly at high points in their lives. They pointed out a few, but I thought of some others:

• the shepherds had lowly jobs
• Joseph had contemplated divorce
• Mary was an unwed mother and no doubt exhausted from traveling at full-term
• the innkeeper was overwhelmed by customers
• Harod felt threatened
• countless moms and dads suffered & grieved when Harod siezed and killed their young sons
• the magi brought gifts, including burial spice (imagine that as a baby shower gift!!)

Christmas is a glorious story of God’s intervention and his salvation plan for our lives. It is certainly a time of celebration and remembrance of God’s provision. However, the very reason why we have Christmas … the reason Jesus needed to come, in the first place … is because we are broken, helpless sinners. Christ[mas] is for the broken.

Without realizing that I’m doing it, I have a tendency to put on my “strong face” and try to be the rock for everyone around me. You can only be the Strong One for so long, though, and I know that I have to allow myself some degree of emotional and mental downtime. Tonight was my opportunity to be weak and let my heart be ministered to … to wallow in my grief a while and know that it’s ok to miss Nathan so desperately that it hurts down to my bones. It was also a time to be uplifted and encouraged that with all the festivities of Christmas comes the most important gift: Hope.