We had a lovely Christmas Eve service at church tonight. My folks took a couple of the boys to their church with them to help us out (divide & conquer, lol), and it happened to be D & Ri’s turn. I know they had a nice time; all of the boys enjoy taking turns going to church w/Nana & Granddad, but it struck me during the service that sitting with my three birth children felt oddly … incomplete.

I’ve had moments like this – times when I counted compulsively in my head, “1-2-3-4-5” to be sure that I hadn’t forgotten anyone, but tonight was something more than that. I realized that it really does feel out of place when the boys are separated. We’ve become a new family over the past eleven months, but especially the six months that the boys have officially lived under our roof.

The music was worshipful and wonderful, as usual, but I did have a few moments when the tears came against my will. I miss Nathan so much. The thought of him singing along with the angels – and even more so, the thought of joining him in praise & song someday – made my heart overflow with a strange mix of grief and glee.

Praise God for his unfailing goodness. Merry Christmas to you & yours!