There, I said it. I’d like to rip January out of the calendar and skip from New Year’s Eve to Groundhog Day. Is that asking too much?

Lane left yesterday morning, and it already feels like more than that since he’s been gone. In my mind’s eye, he hasn’t really left, since he’s still stateside (first CA, then WA for more training & briefings before they leave the country). The problem is that since we’re still on the same continent, it doesn’t really feel like he’s gone away; he’s just gone for a little while. We’ve been-there-done-that several times, so it’s no big deal … Yeah, not so much. That little happy place in my imagination lasted all of half a day.

Couple that with the horrible milestone of Jan. 23rd looming around the corner, and I am more than ready for this month to be finished. The crazy thing is, it isn’t just the 23rd that is rough. I think back to “the last time I …” and solidify those memories in my mind. I last saw Nathan at Christmas 2008, so the holiday was hard for many reasons. I talked to him on the phone for the last time after a girls’ weekend get-away to Bryan/College Station with my bff in January 2009. In fact, if memory serves me correctly, that date would be tomorrow. I remember that conversation pretty clearly, mostly because he had a hearty laugh at my expense over something stupid that I had done. Even though I’m nearly four years older, he was much wiser to the world than me! He loved to tease me about the big rock that I live under and what a “prude” he thought I was. He had an “lmao” moment when he found out that his upstanding big-little sister actually did let her hair down now & then! I love to close my eyes and try to remember that belly laugh of his.

Our church is doing a missions project on the 23rd that involves ripping out drywall and doing some interior construction. I think it would be cathartic for me to participate that day! Banging on a hammer all morning might be just what I need to get through the day.