Last summer, we had a family meeting to brainstorm behavior and consequences. The boys all had input about what should be expected of them and punishments for misbehavior. They helped to decide what behaviors should result in a time-out, have privileges taken away, spanking, write lines, etc. That discussion was helpful for everyone, b/c there were fewer surprises when someone got in trouble – they knew what was coming to them.

Still, it seemed like we needed something more visible where they could see their progress beyond the moment. I was finding, especially with the younger ones, that they would get in trouble and then repeat the same sort of behavior and hour or two later. The almost-7yo actually cried to me (after the third offense in as many hours), “Can’t you give me just ONE more chance?!” I decided that he needed to be able to see how his behavior compounded over the course of the day.

Enter paperclip points.

The 10yo and I sat down one evening after the others were in bed and devised a pro & con list of behaviors. The “plus” list had a few gimme items, like brushing teeth without being reminded and spending time playing with the dogs, but most of the list entailed above-and-beyond tasks or voluntary acts of kindness (like sharing w/o being asked or offering to help someone). The “minus” list included things like hogging games/toys, screaming at someone and leaving dirty clothes on the floor.

We reviewed the list with the other four to be sure that everyone understood what the points stood for, then I announced the weekly totals:

• 5 points (Everyone starts at this level, so it’s the baseline): Get to stay up 1 hr late on Friday night
• 10 points: Get to camp out (sleeping bags on the floor, etc.) on Friday night
• 15 points (Only valid if ALL five boys earn 15 points): Donuts for breakfast on Sat or Sun – Mom’s choice 😉
• 20 points: $2 (You should’ve heard the cheers! lol)
• 25 points: $5 (You thought the first cheers were excited?!)
• Highest point earner: Gets 30 min of uninterrupted, one-player video game time (unanimous whoops)
• Lowest point-earner: Has to do poop patrol in the backyard on the weekend (unanimous groans)

We’re in the middle of the first week, but so far, it’s going well. The almost-7yo was down to zero paperclips this morning, but he has since earned one back. The 9yo has been amazing, and while I realize it’s largely self-serving, I’m still relishing in the good behavior. I overheard him talking to No. 3 in the hallway as they were counting paperclip chains on the rope that I strung across the coat rack: “It’s ok; I know you can earn them back. You can do it; I know you can.” The 5yos have gotten clever, too – one of them told me when I picked them up today, “I shared my Play-Doh with a friend today, so can I have a paperclip?”

So, if you catch a monkey boy in an act of kindness, please be sure to let me know … the best paperclips are those earned unintentionally.