While talking with a friend at lunch today, I realized something very important about my weightloss journey. Now that I’ve lost a significant amount of weight (65 lbs & counting), well-meaning people often make comments like, “Wow – I wish I had your willpower!” or, “I’m proud of you for sticking with it.” I’ve never thought of myself as having much willpower over sweets/pastries/etc., so it has been difficult to wrap my head around these accolades.

It is true that I don’t eat sweets much any more, if at all. When I do, it’s usually a low-sugar variation or just a single bite or piece, rather than a large portion. For example, I recently made a Dr Pepper float (a Baylor tradition!) using Diet Dr Pepper and No Sugar Added Blue Bell vanilla ice cream. It wasn’t completely carb-free, but it was very low for a dessert, and it’s not like I ate half the carton. 😉

However, the change has been more of a switch in my mindset, rather than an act of will. I just realized that it isn’t worth it to put sugar-laden desserts in my body any more. What is the point? I would feel miserable, both physically and emotionally. The ramifications would be evident in my weight gain, and the sugar crash would make me feel worse than the “high” of eating the sweet treat. Knowing what my body is capable of doing (ie, losing weight & being healthy) without the sweets is reason enough for me to not jeopardize it.

But, it goes beyond that. What my friend and I talked about today is CONTROL. My weight – or, more specifically, my eating habits – is just about the only thing in this crazy, chaotic life of mine that is “absolutely, totally, and in all other ways” in my control. My weight is somewhat dictated by my body composition & genetics, but I and I alone decide what I consume. I can work hard and be a good employee and supervisor, but I don’t have the final say in whether or not I get to keep my job. I can make efforts to be a kind and supportive spouse, but marriage is a two-person deal. I can invest in my retirement plan, but the economy is much larger than my little 403(b). Even my decision to pursue my doctorate is not a decision in a vacuum; professors’ subjectivity is a factor, as well. Do you see the point? Being successful in my eating plan is something that I have to choose to do for myself. No one can make me do it, and no one can keep me from doing it. I make the choice.

It is very liberating, actually. I’ve gone through a couple of years of feeling completely overwhelmed by life’s curveballs (grief, regret, anxiety – you name the symptom; I can give you an example), yet here is one little thing that I can completely influence on my own. Seeing success compels me to continue.

So, wow, I guess now I do have willpower. Fancy that! That negative self-image of someone who “can’t turn down pastries” is a woman of the past. Tomorrow morning, I will look in the mirror and greet the strong, capable woman who can because she does. She does because she wants to. She wants to because she’s worth it.