I’m normally a pretty good juggler – no, not with balls or bowling pins or knives in the air – I mean multi-tasking. Having several things on my plate usually isn’t a big deal. I enjoy staying busy; I like challenges; and, I get bored easily. (I learned rather quickly several years ago that data entry was not my calling in life. I was very good at it but bored out of my gourd.)

However, there are times when the metaphorical balls, pins and knives get tossed into the routine all at once, and I’ve got to keep them all in the air. Right now feels like one of those times. I hesitate to even mention it, because people are always making well-meant comments to me about how they can’t believe all that I have on my plate or how amazed they are that I handle everything the way I do. I appreciate the kudos, but just because I manage it well most of the time does not mean that I never struggle. On the flip side, just because I occasionally struggle with the complexity of my responsibilities does not mean that I shouldn’t have pursued grad school, etc. – basically, to give into the notion that I’m doing too much.

There are sundry reasons why I love my job and an even longer list of the blessings that our family gains from my working at the university. From swimming pool access to retirement contributions, the benefits are very generous. However, when I’m the only one in the household working and the atmosphere at work feels like a daily job interview, there’s tremendous pressure on me (perhaps partly self-imposed, but pressure, just the same):

Suck it up, Self … Do a good job. Do a better job than you’ve ever done before – never mind that foundation & corporate philanthropy is still in the toilet. Don’t lose your job! Set a positive example for your team. Don’t get discouraged. Be a leader. Be a “level 5” leader.

No pressure, Self … it’s not like you have five children to put through college, your job provides tuition remission for them, and everyone is expecting you to take care of that minute, little detail of their young adult lives. It’s only another – what, 17 years? – to keep on keeping on. Never mind the fact that you are at an impasse within this particular career maze, so any advancement would mean retraining, cross-training, transitioning to the faculty side of the house or moving/relocating. Transitioning to the faculty isn’t an option until you finish your doctorate, so here’s hoping you can keep your job for another three years, at least.

For the sake of my team and for the benefit of my division, I’m trying to have a positive outlook. (There are enough naysayers out there who don’t have the tact to keep quiet in public … then again, one could argue that this blog is public … my stats would beg to differ, but whatever … I’ll gladly discuss my thoughts in a professional and polite manner with anyone who desires an explanation.) I can’t create grant awards out of thin air (yet this certainly isn’t the environment to make “excuses,” regardless of how market-driven and data-validated those reasons may be), but we’re busting tail to research new prospects and streamline our systems to give us the best advantage possible.

Meanwhile, there’s a guy standing against the wall with an apple balanced haphazardly on his head, and I’m tempted to unload some of my juggling burden with a little knife-throwing target practice (facetiously speaking, of course).

Pray for me, friends.