I had an epiphany today: I can’t complain.

Usually, when someone gives me the rhetorical greeting, “How are you?” I usually respond with, “I am okay” (because it gives me pause and isn’t the typical “fine”) or “I can’t complain” (because I’m trying to remind myself to count my blessings). The truth is, though, that in several of the major areas of my life, I really don’t feel like I can complain. Allow me to explain …

• Military — As an Army brat who grew up to become an Army wife, I am a dyed-in-the-wool supporter of the armed forces. There are plenty of naysayers out there who clamor to give soundbites about how much money we’re wasting protecting their freedom. So, when I see inefficiencies and experience frustrations within my own military family, I feel like I have to keep my mouth shut because I don’t want to seem unsupportive. Case in point: the kids and I are supposed to fly out of state in a week and a half for a pre-deployment family weekend. It’s a wonderful treat provided by the family readiness group, which is a volunteer-driven support mechanism. Seeing as this is our third deployment, I really do appreciate what they do for families. They are providing the travel to the event, but we have to pay for an extra hotel room (seems the Fire Marshal doesn’t like 7 people in one room, heh). That’s great, but the problem is that we don’t even know what hotel we’re staying at, so we can’t reserve the extra room yet. We were told today that they may not “confirm” the hotel until the day before we arrive. WTH? (Oh, and Dad will already be on-site for training, so five kids and I are traveling together. Pray for me, y’all!)
• Kids — Speaking of the little boogers blessings, if you’ve been reading this missive of mine for very long or know me outside of this context, then you’re already aware of my family dynamic. (If you aren’t in the know but would like to read the backstory, most of it is filed under the Grief category. Otherwise, the rest of this paragraph will make little sense, if at all.) I “vent” about the kids like any other mom, but much of it is tongue-in-cheek. I don’t feel like I can talk about more serious matters – either about the boys’ behavior or my own frustrations as a parent – because I don’t want to give anyone ammunition to think that I’m not cut out for this role. Every parent with custody Orders has stress (and perhaps others also feel like they are under a microscope), but when you’re dealing with a mentally ill crackhead with a rap sheet and a propensity to lie and manipulate, the magnification setting gets cranked up, and you don’t want to appear as anything but calm, cool and collected.
• Work — I work at a private Christian university, and we all know that Christians treat each other with love and respect all the time (<<that was sarcasm, btw). Add to that the fact that I work in the strictest department on campus – affecting everything from Spirit Friday dress (no jeans for us 😦 ) to community events (which are really “work” events for me). I certainly don’t complain about anything in a public venue like Facebook, and even venting here would be frowned upon. I do need my job, after all. (But, seeing as the big boss doesn’t even know how many kids I have, I doubt he reads my personal blog. I trust that y’all won’t rat me out for getting a few things off my chest.)

What it boils down to is that I wouldn’t want to come across as a negative person, even if I could complain more freely, but it would be nice if I could be really honest with what’s going on in my life sometimes.