Tough skin & insulation

I’m going to have to take my feelings off of my sleeve and tuck them into my pocket if I’m going to survive graduate school.

I took a couple of comments on our discussion board too personally this week, and I need to just get over it. We are required to post responses to a weekly question as well as comment on classmates’ posts.  The more you can tie in the reading material and cite it properly, the better. The discussion board is a huge chunk of our grade for this class, so it’s a big deal.

This week’s question had to do with Immanuel Kant’s writings from the Enlightenment period and was heavily political. Even though a few other classmates posted comments similar to mine with comparable arguments, there were three or four specific retorts to my post that were in stark disagreement and pin-pointed my remarks as erroneous.

We’re all grownups and are entitled to our own opinions and interpretations, so I need to let it roll off and not take it personally. Life is so much easier when everyone agrees with you, isn’t it? Perhaps, but then the discussion board would be dull. It’s the political science field, after all – I should expect polar-opposite commentary!

On a totally unrelated note, I’ve been chilly lately at work. I’m never cold; just ask my shivering colleagues! I could wear short sleeves with a desk fan on while they huddle up in blankets. As I wore my fleece jacket for the third day in a row this week, the thought occurred to me: I’ve lost more than a quarter of my body weight, so I don’t have nearly as much “insulation” as I used to have! Even though the thought didn’t make me warmer, it made me happy! 🙂

Perhaps the tough skin I’m developing in grad school will keep me warm at work this winter. Or not. Just a thought.

Creating [good] habits

I’ve always heard that it takes a few weeks to create a habit and just a few days to break one. So, three days into my renewed exercise effort is way too soon to call it a habit, but I’m focusing on consistency.

Yesterday, I jogged another mile and only walked at the half-way point long enough to cross the street. I was much more tired than the first day, when I went .3 + .2 + .3 + .2 with a couple of mailboxes’ distance of walking between each set.

Today, I met a friend for lunch on campus and decided to walk instead of fighting for a coveted parking spot. I clocked the distance using an online map and found it to be just over a half-mile each way. Hooray! That means that I’ve already completed today’s mile, but I might still go jogging when I get home.

Does this mean that I’ll jog a mile every, single day? No; that would be setting myself up for failure, because I know there will be days when I simply can’t work it in. However, I stepped on the scale this morning for the first time since the weekend, and I’ve lost TWO more pounds. I believe that this exercise is just the kick I needed to reach my next milestone – I’m only 4 lbs away! After that, I’ll have a mere 20 lbs to reach my overall goal. It feels attainable, finally!

One mile!

I tried walking/jogging for a brief period of time last fall, but I didn’t have enough stick-to-it-ness. Since then, I’ve lost 71 lbs, and the difference is AMAZING! Of course, I’ve felt much better all-round – physically and confidence-wise, but I haven’t ventured back into trying a whole lot in the way of exercise (besides weight lifting, which I enjoy but can only do when someone older than 11 can be available to spot me).

At any rate, I decided to walk/jog tonight with the oldest two boys. We borrowed Dad’s reflective belts from his Army PT uniform and took off down the street. I told them that I wanted to see how far I could jog, but if we ended up walking most of the way, then so be it. I was so excited to discover that I could jog – without stopping! – the whole way down the street! We walked across the street and up one mailbox, then jogged again to the halfway point where a side street cuts in. We walked the other half, then jogged again the whole way down and halfway back. All in all, it equaled right at a mile.

The even better part is: I feel tremendous! We stretched and drank plenty of fluids when we got home, and I definitely need to hop in the shower before I head to bed, but I had to share the good news! I really want to stick to this, and if I can convince my brain to kick in gear first thing in the morning, it would be ideal to go then instead of at night like we did today (well, it’ll still be dark, but you know what I mean). Also, there are some [relatively minor but problematic] health concerns that I need to address with my doctor for the sake of my, er, comfort in doing any “impact” exercise. Let’s just say that after three childbirths, even years of Kegels didn’t help matters, capeche?

Splurge

There are were three overly-ripe bananas in my kitchen, and I meant to peel them and give them to the boys this morning at breakfast (if they don’t see the brown patches on the skin, they won’t balk), and I forgot. Seeing them this evening made me think of what I would normally do with very ripe bananas … make banana pudding!

Bananas, unfortunately, are extremely high in carbohydrates. I still occasionally eat fruit, but I haven’t had a banana since I began my low-carb, low-cal eating plan in April. Bananas – like their fellow high-carb buddies carrots & tomatoes – were never a “gotta-have” food for me, anyway. Tonight, though, I craved banana pudding something fierce! I went back through my food log for the day and realized that I’d had very few carbs – under 15, if my calculations were accurate. I decided to splurge and make a mock banana pudding for myself.

It turned out to be more like a banana shake, but it was scrumptious. I put one very ripe banana, 1/4 c. sugar-free vanilla coffee creamer (I was out of Almond Breeze) and about a cup of crushed ice in the blender. I sipped it and munched on one serving (about 6 cookies) of Nilla Wafers.

Between the cookies and the banana, it was definitely more carbs than my daily allotment, but I figured that as far as splurges go, I did pretty well. It satisfied my craving for banana pudding, and I didn’t go overboard.

Locus of Control

While talking with a friend at lunch today, I realized something very important about my weightloss journey. Now that I’ve lost a significant amount of weight (65 lbs & counting), well-meaning people often make comments like, “Wow – I wish I had your willpower!” or, “I’m proud of you for sticking with it.” I’ve never thought of myself as having much willpower over sweets/pastries/etc., so it has been difficult to wrap my head around these accolades.

It is true that I don’t eat sweets much any more, if at all. When I do, it’s usually a low-sugar variation or just a single bite or piece, rather than a large portion. For example, I recently made a Dr Pepper float (a Baylor tradition!) using Diet Dr Pepper and No Sugar Added Blue Bell vanilla ice cream. It wasn’t completely carb-free, but it was very low for a dessert, and it’s not like I ate half the carton. 😉

However, the change has been more of a switch in my mindset, rather than an act of will. I just realized that it isn’t worth it to put sugar-laden desserts in my body any more. What is the point? I would feel miserable, both physically and emotionally. The ramifications would be evident in my weight gain, and the sugar crash would make me feel worse than the “high” of eating the sweet treat. Knowing what my body is capable of doing (ie, losing weight & being healthy) without the sweets is reason enough for me to not jeopardize it.

But, it goes beyond that. What my friend and I talked about today is CONTROL. My weight – or, more specifically, my eating habits – is just about the only thing in this crazy, chaotic life of mine that is “absolutely, totally, and in all other ways” in my control. My weight is somewhat dictated by my body composition & genetics, but I and I alone decide what I consume. I can work hard and be a good employee and supervisor, but I don’t have the final say in whether or not I get to keep my job. I can make efforts to be a kind and supportive spouse, but marriage is a two-person deal. I can invest in my retirement plan, but the economy is much larger than my little 403(b). Even my decision to pursue my doctorate is not a decision in a vacuum; professors’ subjectivity is a factor, as well. Do you see the point? Being successful in my eating plan is something that I have to choose to do for myself. No one can make me do it, and no one can keep me from doing it. I make the choice.

It is very liberating, actually. I’ve gone through a couple of years of feeling completely overwhelmed by life’s curveballs (grief, regret, anxiety – you name the symptom; I can give you an example), yet here is one little thing that I can completely influence on my own. Seeing success compels me to continue.

So, wow, I guess now I do have willpower. Fancy that! That negative self-image of someone who “can’t turn down pastries” is a woman of the past. Tomorrow morning, I will look in the mirror and greet the strong, capable woman who can because she does. She does because she wants to. She wants to because she’s worth it.

Low-Carb Peach Crisp

I was blessed with a bagful of fresh-picked peaches last week from a colleague whose trees produced a bumper crop this summer. After I got over being a bit jealous that our container garden was a flop [between the squirrels, heat & neighborhood cat, it doesn’t look like anything is surviving], I decided to make a peach cobbler for the family this weekend.

Then, I thought to myself: why not make a peach dessert that I can enjoy, too?

I searched for some recipes online and came across one from Dana Carpender’s low-carb blog, which is aptly named Hold The Toast. The basis for my peachy experiment came from a recipe in her blog archive. Unfortunately, I do not have polyol, heavy cream or almond meal on hand … and I only ended up with about two cups of peaches, so I had to improvise.

Who says you can’t enjoy dessert on a low-carb eating plan? This was scrumptious, if I may say so. I hope you’ll try it and let me know what you think.

Low-Carb Peach Crisp

  • 2 cups peaches, peeled & cut into chunks
  • 2 Tbsp Splenda
  • 2 Tbsp sugar-free maple syrup (I used Log Cabin brand)
  • 2 tablespoons butter, divided
  • 1/4 cup chopped almonds (If you want a finer texture, use a food processor; I just coarsely chopped mine)
  • 1/4 cup whey protein powder (I used Genisoy brand)
  • 1 1/4 teaspoons baking powder
  • 1/2 tsp salt
  • 1/4 cup soy milk or almond milk (I used Almond Breeze by Blue Diamond, which is my new favorite beverage, hands-down)

Spray an 8×8″ baking dish with Baker’s Joy non-stick spray. Spread peach chunks evenly in the dish and drizzle syrup to coat. In a bowl, combine dry ingredients & almonds. Add milk-substitute to dry mixture and stir to blend (mixture will be a bit runny). Pour almond mixture over peaches and use a rubber spatula to gently smooth the mixture (avoid stirring it with the fruit, just spread to coat). Arrange butter chunks, evenly spaced. Bake at 375 for approx. 30 min. until topping is slightly toasted.

Unless you eat the whole pan – believe me, I contemplated it! – a modest serving size should run you about 5-7 carbs total – the bulk of that being the peaches, and a little from the almonds. If you really feel like splurging, you could add a scoop of Breyer’s Carb Smart vanilla ice cream. 😉  I was happy just to eat it hot, straight from the dish!

Temporary wedding ring

The good news is: I’ve lost so much weight, my wedding rings are loose!

The bad news is: I’ve lost so much weight, my wedding rings are loose!

They are so loose, in fact, that I can pull them off without wiggling them at all. I nearly yanked them off yesterday while drying my hands in the bathroom at work. I’ve heard horror stories of this happening: my aunt once threw away her wedding ring, and a colleague of mine recently threw away a pinky ring that was sentimental to her.

My wedding ring set belonged to my grandmother, and I pair it with an anniversary band that I received as a 10-yr gift. The thought of losing either makes my stomach hollow.

I don’t have a lot in the way of non-costume jewelry, but I was looking through my jewelry box last night and remembered a gold band that my future mother-in-law gave to me before I went to China. It is a simple band with tiny, square rubies and two little diamonds. I think the last time I was able to wear it was before my oldest son was born (he’s 10-1/2). I figured, what the heck – so I tried it on, and lo & behold! It fit!

So, that’s what I’m going to wear on my left hand for a while. When I reach my goal weight, I’ll have my wedding rings & anniversary band resized. I emailed Lane last night to be sure he wouldn’t be offended if he came home and saw that I wasn’t wearing my “real” wedding ring, and he wrote back and said that he was fine with it. He joked that I could wear it on a necklace and “do the high school ring-pendant thing.” lol

Chicken Sauvignon recipe experiment #win

At the risk of sounding like a lush (stop giggling – I’m not, I promise!), I don’t often find a red wine that I dislike. Beverage wines (like sangria & lambrusco) aside, red wine has surprisingly few carbs, so I can enjoy a glass or two without blowing my diet. That said, I bought a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon a couple of weeks ago, and I was disappointed by the twangy taste. In the interest of science, I tried a second glass, but it was no better. 😉

What a conundrum – a little over half a bottle of wine left, yet I didn’t want it. I left it in the fridge for no reason other than it seemed wasteful to pour it out.

This afternoon, I was contemplating what to fix for dinner, and I remembered the wine. I recalled that beer and wine could be used in marinades, so I decided to give it a try. I put four large chicken breasts in a baking dish and poured the wine over the chicken. I flipped each piece over to be sure the meat was coated. Then, I added a generous sprinkle of dried, minced garlic (probably 1/4 c. total) and paprika (probably 2 Tbsp total) to both sides. I put plastic wrap over the dish and let it sit for a few hours. Then, I baked it at 375 for 45 min, flipping the chicken at about the halfway point to ensure coating.

The kitchen smelled like garlic bread, which was fabulous, and the chicken turned purple, which the boys thought was way cool. Of course, the alcohol cooks out with that amount of heat and time, so I wasn’t too concerned about it. (I didn’t tell them that I marinated the chicken in wine, and they didn’t ask.) Once they smelled the garlic, they knew that they would like it.

I was stunned. It was amazing! The chicken was very moist and tender. I served it with corn on the cob that I had boiled with seasoned salt, and for dessert, they had apple dippers (just sliced apples with caramel sauce). It was a big hit! Since I don’t eat corn on my diet (there are lower-carb veggie options that I would prefer), I ate my chicken with some fresh avocado slices sprinkled with pepper. Yummy goodness.

Although I won’t be buying that brand of Cabernet Sauvignon again, at least now I have a great way to use any leftover wine!

50 lbs and still counting

The thought occurred to me that although I need the accountability and encouragement, there may come a point where I don’t want to share that I’ve lost 75 … 80 … and eventually, 96 lbs. It’s just my pride; I don’t want to admit that I really have that much to lose. My goal weight is actually pretty liberal; some charts say that my “ideal” weight is another 30 lbs lower, but I say screw the ideal charts – I just want to be at a healthy, fit weight.

It doesn’t help to dwell on where I started; it’s much more fun to see how much progress I’m making. That said, it’s my joy to report that I have surpassed the 50-lb mark! Here’s a picture to prove it. 🙂

I feel great, and like I mentioned last week, people are really starting to notice. I was able to put my college pinky ring all the way onto my finger, and it took a whole minute before my finger started turning purple, lol. Hey, that’s progress – before, I could only get it past my knuckle.

I will celebrate by going shopping tomorrow. My awesome mom gave me a few more things that I can borrow for work (one more mini-goal accomplished: to be able to fit into her clothes!!), but I am going to look for some more slacks or maybe a skirt and a couple of blouses. There should be some good holiday sales this weekend, which would be great, b/c I don’t want to pay full-price for something I plan to only wear a few weeks.

Noticeable progress!

Someone told me a while back (I’m bummed that I can’t remember who said it so that I can thank them!) that folks would come out of the woodwork noticing my weightloss around the 50-lb mark. Well, at our ministry outing tonight (more about that in another post), two guys from church asked me  if I had lost weight. 😀  They were both really sweet about it and said they had noticed but didn’t want to say anything out of place. I assured them that I appreciated the comment!! Wahoo!

I was down 48 lbs last week, and I’m hoping to hit the 50-lb mark at my weigh-in this Thursday. I’ll keep you posted! 😀

I’m going to have to get my wedding rings resized when I hit my goal. It’s funny, b/c I don’t recall them being loose when I first got them 12+ years ago, but man, they’re just spinning on my finger as I type. :p  I can only imagine how much looser they’ll be at the goal line!

One goal is being able to wear my college pinky ring again. If the band was a thinner style, it would already fit, but the wide face with the stone and embossed lettering doesn’t quite set on my finger yet. When I can wear that ring, then I’ll know that I’ve made some serious progress!! Then again, college graduation was before my wedding, so I may not be able to wear that ring until I’m at my goal. Whatever – I’m still excited.

I had to break down and buy a few inexpensive blouses this week, b/c I’m running out of work clothes. I’m also wearing my last hopefully-it’ll-fit-someday slacks, so unless I can sweet-talk my mom into passing down some more of her clothes, I need to keep an eye out on sales. Speaking of whom, my mom has been awesome – she’s a size smaller than me, and it’s been great fun for both of us to see what clothes I can fit into! Not to mention, it sure saves the pocketbook.

On a side note, did you know that whiskey, gin, vodka and rum have NO carbs? Neither does diet cola. Just sayin’.