Plenty of folks with more credentials than me have written a book or two or twenty on the definition and stages of grief. In fact, Random House Dictionary defines “grief” as:
- “keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret
- a cause or occasion of keen distress or sorrow.”
The “mental suffering” aspect is a poignant choice of words, and certainly regret, distress and sorrow are huge components. One thing I’ve realized the past couple of weeks (actually, tonight will be two weeks exactly) is that grief is a lot more than sadness. I’ve lost loved ones before, and I’ve known school acquaintances who’ve died, but this is the first time that the impact of someone’s death means radical and permanent change in my life.
The myriad of conflicting feelings can be crushing at times. As I struggle to make sense of (or at least come to terms with) my emotions, I’m trying to look at them through the lens of Scripture. (The following excerpts are from the NIV translation.)
Grief is ironic. Joyful times will come in the future, but they may still have a twinge of pain … like when my nephews graduate from kindergarten, lose their first tooth, shoot their first basketball goal, go on their first date, attend prom, graduate from high school, pack for college, get married, have kids … joyful times, all, yet painful that he will not be here for these milestones.
Proverbs 14: 13 – “Even in laughter the heart may ache, and joy may end in grief.”
Grief is emotionally draining. I haven’t cried in several days. I’m still very sad, and no, I’m not a robot; I just think I’m mentally exhausted. Tears will come, and those are cleansing times.
Psalm 119: 28 – “My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word.”
Grief is physically overwhelming. There’s the kind of tired you feel when you’ve had a long day at the office and just want to kick back and veg for a while in the evening. Then there’s the tired you feel when you’ve been up five times during the night with a nursing infant and still have to get up and go to work when the alarm sounds. This period in my life feels more like the latter.
Jeremiah 8: 18 – “O my Comforter in sorrow, my heart is faint within me.”
Grief is for sharing. If we are watchful, I believe God will bring opportunities into our lives to reach out to other people who are experiencing similar pain. We may only be a step or two ahead of them in the journey, but we can pull them along … just as we sometimes need to be pulled along by those who’ve gone before us.
2 Corinthians 1: 3-5 – “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.”
Grief is a reminder to draw close to God. Quite frankly, when life is hunky-dory, it’s easy to forget to give God the glory. When circumstances suck and we can’t make sense of it all, we turn to God. Praise Him for not turning us away for being so flighty and childish!
Lamentations 3: 32-33 – “Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men.”
Grief is part of life. Death and taxes, so the cliché goes. Grief can help us to have a healthy perspective on life and how better to appreciate it.
Ecclesiastes 7: 2-4 – “ It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting, for death is the destiny of every man; the living should take this to heart. Sorrow is better than laughter, because a sad face is good for the heart. The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning, but the heart of fools is in the house of pleasure.”
Grief is a precursor to joy. If we’ve never known hardship, it’s more difficult to thank God for our abundance. If we don’t experience loss, we may not appreciate all that we still have.
Psalm 30: 11-12 – “You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever.”
Grief is not eternal. We are not citizens of this world. Those who live forever in Christ will have no more sorrow, no regrets, no pain. There is hope and a promise awaiting us.
Isaiah 60: 20 – “Your sun will never set again, and your moon will wane no more; the LORD will be your everlasting light, and your days of sorrow will end.”
