Taking a break from weekly theme posts

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This summer is shaping up to be a busy one, and school isn’t even out yet! With my two summer courses already in full swing (our semester schedule is a bit odd, yes) and a seemingly endless end-of-year to-do list for the kids’ schools, my chill-out-online time is slim.

So, I’ve decided to take a break from Monday Musings, Wednesday Words and Foodie Friday for a while. If I have something particularly poetic, I may plan to share it on a Monday, and I may still bore you with share updates about my research and such on Wednesdays and talk about nomnomnom stuff on Fridays, but I won’t pressure myself to write consistently this summer.

It has been a good practice, though, because it makes me pause and reflect at various points during the week.

As we say in the South, “Don’t be a stranger!” Stay in touch over the summer, and I’ll still post pretty regularly; I’m just not abiding by a schedule. I will still write the weekly devos for church and cross-list them here, as well.

Monday Musings: Perspective

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I haven’t thought about a poem to write today, but there are several things over which I’ve been musing the past few days. I’ve shared a bit previously about how I don’t feel like I have much liberty to complain/vent — even here, because there are too many factors that could come back to bite me in the booty, if I did.

I’ve also shared some frustrations about the apparent stagnation of my career and how I’m trying to reconcile those concerns with a genuine sense of appreciation for not only having a job, but even one with excellent benefits.

To be honest, I’m still trying to figure out that balance. An experience that I had last week seemed to reiterate what I have suspected for some time about the way internal hirings transpire, and the whole ordeal has left me feeling very frustrated. Even though I have previous experience in program development, budget management, volunteer training, career advising, public speaking and a slew of other skills (not to mention my current pursuit of a doctorate), none of it seems to matter, because here I am a grantwriter. Even though positions may come open for which I am well qualified, there are others at my level of the totem pole across campus who already work in those divisions who will get first dibs on the promotion.

I have locked myself in — quite literally, it would seem — to one function within one department within one division on campus. My staff of three have been “repurposed” to other roles within the division. I am a Director who supervises no one. If that isn’t supposed to make me concerned about the stability of my job, then I don’t know what it’s supposed to make me feel. People all around me — people I respect and admire as mentors — have fled left willingly, not so willingly or stayed and faced repurposing — even demotion.

Annual performance reviews are coming up, and although they’re never my favorite task (from either side of the desk), I have never dreaded one so much as I do this one. I have exceeded the fiscal year expectations for my department, despite the reduction in personnel, yet there is still the prevailing sense that whatever you do isn’t good enough.

There’s the type of burned-out feeling that is like a piece of bread left in the toaster a bit too long. You can add a little butter & jelly and mask the crispy parts. Then, there’s another type of burn-out that is like the drippings in an oven that smoke and smell bad every time you bake a pizza … and the only way to get rid of it is to scrape it out and throw it away.

I’m feeling a bit like a pizza these days.

Because I Said So (Prayer Devotional for the week of May 13, 2012)

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My mom and I are very close, and as I’ve grown older, I have discovered that our relationship is unfortunately not as common as I used to naively think. That isn’t to say that we never disagreed; in fact, I’m pretty sure that she would like to block out a couple of my eye-rolling, back-talking years from middle school. But all in all, we have an ideal relationship. So, it comes naturally for me to think about writing a sappy Mothers’ Day devotional that focuses on how wonderful our moms are.

But, what about the times when things aren’t coming up roses? What about the relationships that are estranged, dysfunctional or non-existent? My heart goes out to people today who don’t have much reason to celebrate Mothers’ Day. So, if you have a good relationship with your mom, praise God and be thankful! If not, stick with me, and let’s think through a few things together …

My younger kiddos have been learning Ephesians 6:1 this week, which reads: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right” (NIV). Verse 2 echoes Deuteronomy 5:16: “Honor your father and mother …” (one of the 10 Commandments). Somehow in the course of our conversation the other evening about their memory verse, I mistakenly made a sweeping generalization … something along the lines of, “Well, I obeyed my parents.” Without missing a beat, one of the kids piped up and said, “Not always!”

Ouch. So true. I had to admit that he was right, and I did not always obey my parents. However, I added, they taught me what the right thing was to do, and I knew to apologize and make things right if I messed up. It ended up being an open and honest conversation about imperfect people trying to make good choices.

Even today, sometimes the one making the mistake is me, and I have to apologize to the kids for overreacting or whatever it was that I did to hurt their feelings. I think it goes a long way for a parent to admit their shortcomings, rather than pretending to be right all the time (as much as we’d like to be). How else will our kids learn to own up to their mistakes if we don’t model it to them?

Instead of the old stand-by cliché, “Because I told you so,” perhaps we should redirect the conversation to what the Bible says … because he told us so. Children are supposed to obey their parents “in the Lord.” It’s his approval that ultimately matters, so if you feel like you don’t measure up in your earthly parents’ eyes, turn your focus onto the Lord and live to please him.

Linking up: Mother’s Day cards

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I’m linking up this week with The MOB Society: Let’s Hear it for the Boys. What a blessing to get to know other moms of boys!

As parents, we encourage our kids to hang around with people who are positive influences. Is any parent really pleased when a kid makes friends with a trouble-maker? (Provided our kid isn’t the one being a trouble-maker – eeek – but, that’s a post for another day.) Unfortunately, not all of the bad influences are other kids, and not all can be avoided. If you’ve experienced a nasty custody battle, then you understand where I’m going with this scenario … just because someone contributed DNA to a child does not make them a good influence on the kid’s life.

This month marks three years since my nephew-sons officially joined our family unit. There have been challenging times, to be certain, as all of us worked through our own grief at the loss of my brother and adjusted to a new family dynamic. The boys love each other as brothers; in fact, they will correct anyone who refers to them as cousins anymore. I’ve overheard them say on numerous occasions, “Well, we used to be just cousins, but now we’re brothers.”

That layer of my heart that still aches each and every day because I miss my brother so much … it feels warmer, stronger, fuller when the boys reaffirm our family – unprompted! – in that way.

I’ll spare you the details, but an email conversation yesterday sent my blood pressure to a rolling boil and made me want to instinctively protect the boys from the negative influences of people who think they can waltz in and out of their lives on a whim. I wish I could block their ears, guard their hearts and shield their minds. (I can’t, but the Lord can.)

Necklace & bracelets compliments of my personal jewelers — yes, I wore them to work today!

When we got home from kids’ church yesterday evening, the boys surprised me with handmade cards and bracelets (plus one necklace) that they created for Mother’s Day. I don’t know if there is anything more delightful than receiving a handmade gift. The children’s minister called later in the evening and told me that she was impressed with how diligently they all worked on their crafts and cards. It made me feel very special.

Although each of the gifts were wonderful, one of the cards brought tears to my eyes, because it wiped up all the mess that I had had to deal with earlier in the day and reminded me that what really matters is that they feel loved … safe … home.

He wrote: “I’m glad I have you. Because you bles and love me. I love you my wonderful mother.”

Lord, I need wisdom to deal with the unwanted influences in my children’s lives. Please guard their hearts and fix their eyes and ears on you. Shield their minds from poisonous words and poisonous people. Help me know how to raise them to become young men who are radically in love with you and passionately pursue their purpose in life to honor you. Thank you for allowing me to be their Mom.