A moment to smile

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I attended a visitation after work today for some dear friends who lost their son a couple of days ago. I avoid funeral homes, not only because of the memory-jogging grief that walking through the doors invokes, but also because they always seem so bleak and quiet, and they all have the distinctive, stale smell of old wood and cut flowers.

 

One pleasant sidebar about attending visitations/funerals is running into folks you haven’t seen in a long while. While I was waiting in [a very long] line, a lady who had retired a couple of years ago was talking to some colleagues ahead of me. She turned my way, and I waved. She blinked and literally did a double-take. “I didn’t recognize you!” she said as she hugged me. “Where’s the rest of you??” I had to laugh and told her that it was long gone and never coming back.

 

On an otherwise very somber occasion, it was nice to receive such a kind compliment from someone who hadn’t seen the 80 lb-lighter me.

The grief wound

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When someone close to me loses someone close to them, it always seems to rip off the Band-aid that keeps my heart sealed. I don’t think the grief wound ever completely heals. I love you, Nathan.

 

Ri wanted to know if you knew that we were at the beach this weekend. I told him that I didn’t know for certain, but I was sure you’d be glad that he was having fun. He seemed satisfied with that answer.

 

Often times, out of the blue, one of the boys will mention you. Just the other day, Ry said while we were in the car, “I wish Uncle Nathan hadn’t died.” I just said, “Me too, babe.”

 

These conversations always seem to start in the car, for some reason. On another day recently, Ri said – and I thought this was tremendous progress, on his part, to voice his grief!! – “I wish Daddy didn’t die.” I wonder if he & Ry had been talking … who knows?? I just reminded him that you loved him very much, and how neat it will be to see you again in heaven. He nodded and went on to talk about something else. It was as if he just needed to say it and get it off his chest. I was glad to hear him voice it, though; he is the one who seems to bottle up his feelings.

 

Sometimes when I feel like a screw-up and pray that I’m raising the kids to become godly young men (and not outlaws!), I run into someone in the elevator or hallway at work, and they’ll offer encouragement about how well we’re doing. That warms my heart to hear. God seems to put people in my path to encourage me at exactly the right time that I need a boost.

Almost published

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I’m so giddy right now, it’s borderline ridiculous. I found out earlier this spring that a paper I submitted to a conference was accepted, and today I uploaded the paper to the official research site!

 

I’m excited but nervous about speaking at the conference and having my writing “out there” for the world to see … and critique. Rejection may be an irrational fear, but it’s a fear, nonetheless. I don’t mind if someone disagrees with me, but I don’t relish the idea of being ripped to shreds (academically speaking). On the other hand, if I don’t take the risk, then I will never hear the accolades, either.

 

After I submitted the paper, I promptly searched for myself under Authors. Yes, I am a dork. 8)

When I grow up … (Prayer Devotional for the week of March 13, 2011)

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Do you remember the Monster.com television ad that aired during Superbowl XXXIII in 1999? It featured clips of tongue-in-cheek blurbs by kids saying things like: “I want to file all day;” “I want to claw my way to middle management;” “I want to be a Yes Man!” What makes the commercial so funny, of course, is that none of us had such lackluster dreams as kids.

 

As kids, we believed that we could do anything. Become President of the United States? Sure! Fly on the first manned mission to Mars? Totally! We all have a desire for greatness. Having ambition helps us focus on our goals and stay on track to see them through completion. Think about it:

 

  • What would have happened if Noah was not ambitious enough to finish building the ark? (He was 600 years old when the flood came!)

 

  • What if Moses had gotten cold feet while he was on Mount Sinai and didn’t have the ambition to follow through on God’s instructions? (Like recording the Ten Commandments!)

 

  • What if Paul had not been ambitious to go on missionary journeys and take Jesus’ message to the Gentiles? (What a setback that would have been for the early church!)

 

Ambition, in and of itself, is not wrong. Where we veer off-course is when we focus our goals on personal glorification instead of God’s glory. Let’s redirect our prayer time this week toward ambition balanced with humility.