Finding a Focal Point (Prayer Devotional for the week of November 17, 2013)

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My favorite winter sport to watch is figure skating. (Incidentally, my favorite winter sport to participate in is Fireplace Lounging, and the uniform is flannel pajamas.) I just think it’s beautiful to see the athletes spin and jump through the air so gracefully and seemingly effortlessly. Granted, I can’t tell the difference between a salchow and a toe loop, much less determine whether a jump is a double or triple. Once they start spinning, I just see a blur of color and hold my breath hoping they don’t fall down.

I’ve been told that in skating, ballet, and other activities where spinning around and around is part of the gig, the key to not falling (or vomiting, I would imagine) is finding a focal point to concentrate on between rotations. When your eyes find a steady place of recognition, then your brain can somehow tell your body that it is not, in fact, flailing out of control. It can actually stop spinning on cue and continue the routine. (This might also explain why the childhood game of Spin-around-in-the-yard-until you-get-dizzy-and-fall-down is not an Olympic sport.)

Speaking of flying off the handle, Job was a man who knew a thing or two about getting one’s focus off-kilter. During one of his numerous lengthy speeches in the book named after him, Job talks about the origins of wisdom (Ch. 28). He poetically describes how God alone understands wisdom, because he created it (v. 23-28). Some translations say that God defined or appraised wisdom (v. 27), but I like how The Message paraphrase says that God “focused on Wisdom.”

Job wraps up that chapter by giving us a focal point: verse 28 reveals that true wisdom is the fear of the Lord. I don’t think that means cowering in a corner afraid that he’ll smite you with lightning, rather, having a healthy respect for his absolute awesomeness. If we can walk confidently through life focused and aware that God is the end-all-be-all and worthy of our utmost respect and wholehearted commitment, then it won’t matter so much that the world is spinning chaotically around us.

We’ll slip on the ice and land flat on our derrieres from time to time. There will probably be people who critique and judge us. There may be audiences that cheer us one minute and boo us the next. However, with God as our focus, we can seek his will, stay in his word, and remain grounded – come what may.

Goals & Dreams

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I’ve been pretty quiet here lately, since I’m up to my eyeballs in my research proposal. I have several edits to make to Ch. 2 (literature review), and I need to finish writing Ch. 3 (methodology). There may still be some minor revisions to Ch. 1 (introduction) down the road, but I’m focusing on the other two chapters right now. I am hoping to defend my research proposal by the first week of December, to get it out of the way before the semester’s end. That would keep me well on track to finish the whole kit & caboodle in the spring.

I received some unfortunate news the other day — not about school, per se, but it involves my research. You may recall that I applied for a Fulbright appointment to Northern Ireland. I found out that I was not accepted for next fall. It would have been challenging to pull off the adventure, logistically, simply with the kids’ school schedule and related activities, but I think it would have been doable. The good news is that I received a very kind note from the director at the research institute where I would have been assigned, and she encouraged me to try again next year or just come visit, anyway. 🙂 (She was not a decision-maker in my application process; in fact, she wrote a letter of invitation for me to go.) At any rate, it’s not going to happen next year. Someday, perhaps!

It seems like at least twice a week, some well-meaning person asks me, “What are you going to do with your doctorate?” as if I alone control my next steps. I wish I had an answer, but I usually just shrug and say, “No idea.”

I really enjoy teaching. I think I’m good at it, and my students like me. I do think that I could be an even better teacher if I had more time to devote to preparation and creative lesson-planning. I don’t know if I’m “meant to be” a teacher full-time, or if it’s just another idea that Ang thinks would be fun to pursue. I used to think that God had a path laid out for us that we needed to somehow identify & navigate, but over the past decade, and especially the past five years, I’ve begun to think that God gives us leeway to follow our hearts (and our common sense), within reason. I don’t know which (if either) idea is really correct, but he hasn’t written instructions on the wall for me, so I’ll just keep pressing on with what I think are good choices to make.

Being an adjunct instructor has been a blessing, and the part-time income has been a relief. Don’t get me wrong; it’s not all about money, but the extra income helps. I grew up not having much, and I believe there’s tremendous value in not being able to get everything you want. (My kids may disagree with that sentiment right now, but I trust that they’ll clue in later.) I am blessed beyond measure. I live in a house that I could not have afforded, were it not for a miraculous situation that brought down the cost significantly. I drive a car that I actually bought from a dealer and might not have been able to make payments on, if our other car hadn’t been gifted to us with a clear title. I am well aware of how fortunate we are, and I try not to take those blessings for granted.

It’s funny how things work out. The job that I left under less than ideal circumstances and remained vacant for several months is now occupied by an individual I know and like, someone capable, enthusiastic, and likely better suited for the role than I ever was. Sometimes I wonder if God orchestrated that chain of events because he knew that I’d land on my feet, and it would give this other person a chance to spread his wings. Who knows, but it makes me happy to observe, from this vantage point.

I don’t know if there’s a point to this post, other than to say that I’m still here 🙂 and hope to post more often, once I get to a stopping point on Ch. 3.