Sometimes I need to listen to music that I know will make me cry.

I recently discovered a fantastic open-source sound editor, Audacity, and I have enjoyed ripping snippets of songs from my cd collection to make my own ringtones. I love being able to customize the few seconds of the song that I want, and best of all – it’s free. I love free.

Anyway, in the process of skimming my music library, I found myself listening to ballads of grief, hope and praise – songs like “Never Alone” by Barlow Girl – and tearing up, but I didn’t want to quit listening.

I love the candor, the brutal honesty that cries out to God and says, “I don’t get it, Lord.” It resonates with my heart when I feel like I’m all alone. Even writing that looks a bit odd. I’m never alone. I’ve got five kids. You know the cliche about feeling alone in a crowd? Yeah, it’s kinda like that. Don’t get me wrong – I have a wonderful family; my mom and stepdad uprooted their lives and relocated to be nearby and help us. I also have a wonderful support network at church and with friends from work.

Still, there are moments … evenings … days … when I feel alone in the midst of it all. It is during these times that I lean on songs like “Never Alone” to remind me that God hasn’t changed. He is still present, even if it feels like he’s playing hide-and-seek.

Music can be very cathartic, and now that I’ve had a good cry, I feel like I imagine Bella did in New Moon when she says that the hole in her heart is still evident, but it’s healing.