The only question that I missed on the written portion of my driver’s license exam asked about the fine for marijuana possession. (The fact that I still remember that disappointing little fun fact goes a long way in explaining why I relate so well to Hermione in the Harry Potter stories, but I digress.) It dawned on me the other day that in the past year, my list of Things I Never Thought I’d Need To Know has grown exponentially.

Who would’ve guessed that I’d need to know the symptoms of “ice” use, contraindications of psychotropic meds and the side effects of meth? Or the explanation for a Motion of Transfer, Motion to Enforce and the differences between managing and possessory conservators?

Sometimes I think I should’ve gone to law school, but then I remember how the hairs on the back of my neck quiver when I hear “her” voice, and I think to myself – there is no way I could deal with people like that day in and day out. I’ve always had low blood pressure, but that job might just do me in. I don’t see how defense attorneys manage it. How do they keep a straight face and calm demeanor when they know full well that their client is a flat-out, manipulative, system-playing liar?

I am confident in where we stand and the records we’ve kept, but just knowing that I have to deal with her constant – and ever more dramatic – issues is enough to make me want to move to Alaska just to get away from her. Of course, I’m joking, but you get the drift. I’m not the one who moves every month or two and never tells the Court or the State my new address or phone number!

It’s times like these that I have to stop and remind myself (or be reminded, as the case may be) that they’re my brother’s kids, and we’re doing this for THEM and for HIM, not for her. That perspective keeps me balanced and helps me speak rationally to the utterly irrational thorn in my side.