Our pastors did a two-part sermon series on Letdowns recently. The first week focused on when others let us down, and the second week addressed the feeling of being let down by God. The crux of both weeks was that we should not be surprised when people let us down, because we are sinful human beings. People will let us down; how are we going to deal with that as believers? However, God will never let us down – even when we don’t particularly enjoy the journey or understand what he is up to.
Much of the emphasis centered on forgiveness – not holding grudges from letdowns in our past so that God can use us to reach the very people who let us down. Honestly, I’m struggling with some of that. When you can close the door on a chapter in your life, I think it’s easier to forgive. (Not forgive & forget, but forgive & move forward.) If someone hurt you and they are now in prison, for instance, perhaps you can find it in your heart to forgive them because they have been brought to justice. Put differently, if you release a grudge that you’ve held against someone who has since died, then it’s your own heart that benefits by letting go.
What I struggle with is forgiving someone who is still a part of my life (not by my choosing) and continues to be a source of frustration. I can almost hear the “70×7” verse in my head as I type this. But, how do you forgive someone who is not all together there in a chemically-balanced sort of way, someone who lives a destructive lifestyle, plays the perpetual victim and walks in lies about the past? How do you KEEP forgiving that person, over and over and over?
We are all sinners. I get that. I don’t deserve God’s grace, forgiveness or access to heaven. I get that, too. With all of that taken into consideration, when does forgiveness seep over into enabling? Perhaps enabling isn’t the right word … acceptance? approval? justification? The Bible talks a lot about forgiveness, but it also talks about accountability and responsibility for one’s own actions. It reminds me of the welfare-to-work verse, for example, or the many parables of Jesus giving a stern portrayal of the hypocritical religious leaders.
How do I forgive someone without giving the false impression that I approve of their actions or find no fault in them?
faith, sweat & tears 
In situations such as yours given that the person is chemically-imbalanced, I cannot honestly say that you will be able to have that conversation with that person- not because you shouldn’t or whatever, but because that person is not capable of understanding or accepting that forgiveness is necessary because YOU have been wronged by him/her. Unfortunately, this person is incapable of accepting the responsibility of the harm caused by his/her actions and/or even inaction. However, this does not mean that you cannot forgive them in your own heart, mind and soul. Forgiveness is the gift we give ourself. It allows us to see that person as a flawed individual, just like us, but that we stop desiring them to stop hurting us or using us or manipulating us. We release them to set ourselves free from them so that we are no longer dragged down by their suffering while continually praying for their deliverance, their restoration to health and sanity, and their awakening to the promise of a better life through the blood of Jesus. I has been my experience that when I pray for those who persecute me, it seldom changes them as fast or in the ways I want to happen to/for them, but it does change ME drastically. It allows me to see them through the eyes of God- that they are hurting and in desperate need of salvation and restoration.
You really ministered to my heart, Tina – thank you! I need to remember that our fight is not against flesh & blood, but the enemy in the spiritual realm.