There’s a lot of apples vs. oranges going on these days. If you want to be pro-apple, then knock yourself out (it’s still a free country, after all, and we don’t have to agree), but know that you need to be aware of the whole orchard, not just the variety you happen to like best. An apple is an apple is an apple.

If you post vitriol about abortion yet aren’t even more riled about about a preteen (or any age) rape victim being forced to continue a traumatic pregnancy, then I purport that “sanctity of life” is really just a catchphrase, because she (and many, many, many others in similar situations) will live with that trauma for the Rest. Of. Their. Days.

If you post vitriol about abortion but think it’s no big deal for a convicted rapist to get off with probation because jail time might hurt his athletic career or because he has the resume of an upstanding young [white] man, then perhaps it really isn’t the baby you’re worried about.

While we’re on the topic and I’m on a roll with alienating more people who are going to question my faith in private messages, let me pose another scenario:

If you post vitriol about abortion yet have ever used an IUD (an intra-uterine device, the T-shaped thingy that floats around your uterus to prevent pregnancy), then I hate to break it to you, but chances are, you’ve had an abortion, because even my abstinence-only Health Ed class taught that fertilization happens in the Fallopian tubes and then the Gift journeys to the uterus to plant itself. If life begins at conception, then your IUD got rid of it. (Same concept with a D&C, by the way – if you strip the uterus of its padding, then the Gift has nowhere to go but out.)

Please know that I’m NOT JUDGING ANYONE who has/had an IUD, or has even had an abortion, quite frankly. You have your reasons, and I’m not God – The End. I’m tired of the hateful rhetoric, as if the only women seeking abortions are floozies with no moral compass, or that the only way to abort a pregnancy is in some back-alley clinic in the bad part of town. I’m tired of Christians giving faith a bad name because they care more about issues than individuals and propriety than people.

In the interest of transparency, I need to be candid about both sides of the coin, because my current stance on this issue is absolutely not how I grew up. The older I get, the more I realize how much I need to ramp up my level of compassion for others on a whole slew of topics that I used to see from a much narrower perspective.

First confession: I had an IUD for a while, many years ago. I’m completely unaware if I terminated any pregnancies from wearing it, but I realize the odds are quite high. So, guess what? It’s highly likely that I am one of those women who had an abortion who you love to hate. “But, Ang — you didn’t mean to; that’s not the same thing.” Yes, it is. I meant to not get pregnant by wearing an IUD, and it worked. End of story. An apple is an apple.

Second confession: I strongly regret participating in a pro-life march when I was a young adult. At the time, I thought I was doing the right thing by supporting babies (who doesn’t love babies?!?). Later, though, I started learning more about how cruel and lifelong-hurtful that protest probably was to the women we encountered. I wish I could go back, put down my sign, and offer each of them a hug and my deepest apology for having had such a myopic view of the world.