Ponderings

Devotionals, prayer & insights from my Bible reading

How can a handicap be a gift? (Prayer devotional for the week of May 29)

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In his second letter to the Corinthians (chapter 12), Paul wrote about how God knocked his pride down a few notches to keep him from getting too boastful. In the world’s eyes, he had every reason to brag: apparently, he was raised in a prominent family, trained in uppity-up schools; he had climbed the social ladder and had made a name for himself among the well-to-do. When Paul (he went by “Saul” back then) decided to follow Jesus, it was a BIG deal. He pretty much turned his back on everything he had achieved in life and started back at square one.

Some translations refer to his ailment as a “thorn in his side,” but I love The Message paraphrase, which calls it “the gift of a handicap.” Paul said that the enemy (Satan) tried to use his handicap to bring him down, and he begged God – three times! – to take away the problem.

I’m not sure exactly what Paul’s “handicap” or “thorn in his side” was, but don’t we all have something in our lives that detracts our attention from God? Maybe it isn’t even a physical problem. Maybe you’re like Moses and feel like you can’t lead, can’t speak in public, can’t stand up to your enemies (Exodus 2+). Maybe you’re like Joseph and have been dealt a rotten hand in life – people who should have cared about you have hurt you; no matter what you try, you seem to get the short end of the stick (Genesis 37+). Maybe you’re like the woman at the well who had to face her deepest, darkest secrets when Jesus confronted her (John 4). Maybe you’re like Simon Peter and Andrew – ordinary, blue collar workers who weren’t trained in the temple like the religious folks (Matthew 4).

Yet, who were the very first ones Jesus called to be his disciples? (Simon Peter and Andrew!) To whom did Jesus offer Living Water that never runs out? (The woman at the well!) Who worked his way up to second in command of the entire kingdom? (Joseph!) Who finally led the Israelites out of Egypt? (Moses!)

Like the other examples, Paul had to face his predicament, and once he realized that God could use it to prove his own supernatural abilities, Paul began to see it as a gift. A gift! When we are tempted to compare ourselves to others who we think are more talented, more attractive, more successful … we would do well to remember that our weaknesses put the spotlight on God’s strength.

Homecoming day

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Two years ago today, the judge signed the paperwork that allowed me to begin making the transition from “aunt” to “mom.” On this date, nearly four months after my brother died, I obtained sole custody of my two nephews.

The wounds of grief are still there, of course, but I find that I need to replace the bandage less frequently now. When I think about the notice that I received on May 22, 2009, saying that the judge had signed the guardianship papers, I still feel a tremendous sense of relief wash over me. If it couldn’t be my brother who would raise them, then Lord willing, let it be me. That was my (and my parents’) earnest prayer during those early months. The “system” may get a lot of [well deserved] flak for its bureaucratic problems, but in this case – for once, at least – it came through.

For all of the difficult days, for all of the rough transitions, for the grief manifested as anger when they didn’t have the words to say how they felt … it has been worth it. I don’t know why — and trying to figure it out only hurts my brain — but for some reason beyond the scope of my understanding, God saw fit to entrust this task to me. I pray that the next two … ten … twenty years will honor him as I try to raise these precious boys alongside my birth children and train them all to be godly young men who seek him with all their hearts. In the end, that is all that matters.