One boy says to another: “Smell my booty,” and the ignoramus actually DOES! Not only that, but he proceeds to BITE said buttocks.

Oh, dear … And they say the teen years are worse than this?

In the weeks since D&R joined our immediate family, last night was in the Top 5 Worst Bedtimes Ever. Something has got to give, and since wrapping them in straitjackets isn’t a viable option, I’m brainstorming new bedtime routines.

I’ve wondered might be keeping them awake … if it’s anything other than the group dynamic. We don’t let the boys have sugary drinks at dinner, and they don’t snack afterward. In fact, we only have dessert a couple of times a week, and even then, they don’t get a whole lot. They eat balanced meals and only get caffeine as a special treat (and not at night!).

Separating them at bedtime has been about the only thing that works, but having to do that equates to punishment for Lane and me, since one or both of us is going to have to monitor each separation location.

Our bedtime routine usually includes a verbal checklist (brush teeth, pick up toys, put on PJs), then everyone gathers together for prayers. It’s ironic how even prayer time can prompt a fight, b/c everyone wants to go first. We started going in age order, reverse age order, or seating order to divvy up the sequence. Everyone gets a turn to pray, and if they don’t want to, they just say, “Skip.” That seems to be working well for us at dinner and bedtime.

I also enjoy reading to/with them, and sometimes they ask me to sing to them or rub their backs, but usually it is such a hassle just to get from dinner to baths to prayer time that I’m exhausted and frazzled. I miss those quiet moments, and I’d like more of them. So, I’ve been thinking …

With school right around the corner, we’ve got to get a more steady routine in place. Instead of trying to put the younger three to bed at the same time (A&J get to stay up a little later), I think I’ll try doing shifts. At 8pm, we can put R&R in bed and take time to read a story, sing a song, scratch backs, etc. just with the two of them. At 8:30, D. needs to head to bed, and that can be his quiet time one-on-one. A&J can stay up till 9pm, which will give them big-kid time to talk, read, etc. J shares a room with D, and D doesn’t like being in there by himself, but we’re working on it.

I’m also brainstorming some relatively simple changes that I can make to my morning/evening routines to help lower my stress level. I enjoy a cup of coffee in the morning (though I don’t *have* to have it), but more often than not, I forget to set the timer, and by the time the morning rolls around, I’m too busy getting all of us ready to even think about the coffee pot.

It would be nice to have a cup of coffee and sit on the patio, take some time to read my Bible and pray, have a grown-up conversation with Lane or just be still and enjoy the quiet.

Maybe an evening walk would do more good than just exercise … it could be a time to think in solitude and work out my frustrations. I’ve tried repeatedly to get up earlier in the morning, but it just isn’t happening. I think I need to accept the fact that I’ve turned into more of a night owl than an early bird.

Anyway, those are some of my thoughts. I have a hunch that my own quality of sleep will improve when the boys’ bedtime routine becomes less stressful. It’s hard to wind down my brain to rest when I’m so aggravated at them. It would be nice to have an evening conversation with Lane that didn’t sound like a Police Blotter report (Suspect Name; Offense; Time/Place of Offense; Victims’ Name(s); Punishment).

We now have three boys registered for elementary school, three new backpacks, three bags full of school supplies and three eager beavers for school to begin!

I’m all the more thankful for my mom, who not only went school supply shopping for me last week, but she also spared me some serious writers’ cramp by accompanying me to new student registration this morning and helping to fill out forms!

D. came along with us and got to see part of the building and met the school counselor. We talked for just a few minutes to bring her up to speed on our situation, and she seems like a very sweet lady. She shook his hand and made him feel welcomed.

Here’s turning the page on a new chapter in this book we call Life.

Now that the boys have been with us for about a month now, I thought an update was in order. Much of our daily routine is the same, as far as when and where we go and what we do, but everything has an additional layer of necessary preparation. Here’s a snapshot of what might be a “normal” day for us:

6:35am: Make a pass through the three kids’ bedrooms and wake everyone up.

6:40am: Make a second pass on the way back to the master bedroom to be sure everyone actually GOT up.

7:15am: Check to be sure everyone has shoes on, brushed teeth and is not sneaking toy cars in their pockets as we walk out the door. Split up into two cars: I take the oldest three (D. to Nana’s house, A&J to day camp) and Lane takes R&R to daycare on our way to work.

7:40am: Get to work and realize that I forgot to put on my powder foundation and mascara. Sit in car in parking lot and apply makeup from the handy-dandy stash I keep in my purse for just these mornings.

5:10pm: Pick up A&J from day camp while Lane goes to get R&R from day care. Call Nana from the stoplight near our subdivision to let her know that I’m almost there. Pick up D. from Nana’s house and meet at home.

Between 5:30-6:15pm-ish: Let the boys ride bikes or watch tv while dinner is being prepared. (Wow, lemme tell you … this cooking for seven people thing is a whole new ball of wax from what I’m used to! It’s hard to gauge how much they will eat, but far more often than not, there are no leftovers to speak of.)

6:15pm-7pm-ish: Boys check the chore chart on the fridge to see whose job it is to a) set the counter & table, b) wipe off the counter & table after dinner, c) sweep the dining room floor after dinner. So far, the chore chart is working pretty well. (The boys eat at the counter/bar, which curves around the kitchen, and grown-ups sit at the round table in the breakfast nook. It’s a cozy setup that works really well for us. We’re all right there with each other, but everyone has plenty of elbow room and we don’t have to have a ginormous table.)

After dinner: They also split trash day & laundry duties (sorting dirty clothes from the bathroom hamper into the right basket in the utility room). On a side note, I’ve been hearing a lot about the color-catching balls that you supposedly throw into your wash to keep colors from bleeding. It sounds like an interesting gadget, but to be honest, we really have enough laundry to wash entirely separate loads of blues, reds, khakis/grays, whites and towels.

Depending on the day, Lane may take the older three to karate for the 7pm class while R&R and I hang out at home. D. is really enjoying having big-kid time with A&J and Lane on these nights.

8pm-ish: Assembly line bath time & picking up rooms

8:30-ish: Congregate in R&R’s room for bedtime prayers, hugs, kisses and lights out.

9:30pm-10:30pm: Perk ears and realize they’re all actually asleep!

Thank goodness Hillary Clinton didn’t make this list, or I very well may have had to vomit. It did cause me to think of the recent snafu involving Obama and Nikolai Sarkozy and a certain young woman’s rump. Sarkozy (who is French, btw) made no qualms about looking her up one way and down the other, but Obama was just carefully checking the step as he walked, right? *rolls her eyes

Personally, I think the gal should’ve worn something other than a skin-tight skirt when she went to an event with leaders of countries, but I digress. The men still should’ve had the professionalism not to stare. Speaking of inappropriate observations, I witnessed something earlier this week that made me angry. I don’t consider myself a feminist, but this really irked me.

I was at a scholarship awards reception one evening where some local foundations were presenting award letters to their recipients. I’m not the best estimator of crowd numbers, but I’d say there were a couple of hundred people in attendance, mostly scholarship recipients and their families, as well as a handful of us from various schools and organizations that participated in the program.

One of the foundation reps shook hands with two male students as he gave them their letters. When a female student was called, he gave her a big hug and gave her the letter. Honestly, I didn’t think a thing about it at the time. I just figured he knew her and was proud of her. NBD. It was what he said next that got under my skin.

After he handed out the letters, he went to the mic to say a few words on behalf of the foundation. He called out the girl’s name and said, “You know why I had to hug you, right? I might’ve lost my job if I hadn’t, because [head-honcho foundation donor who couldn’t attend the reception] hugs everyone, especially the good-lookin’ young ladies.”

Seriously?! Was that necessary?! How would it have looked if a woman was giving out the award letters and when a young man walked up, she smacked his rump like a baseball player and said, “Good job!” She would be smeared across the front page of the local paper, that’s what. She may very well have lost her job.

I had a crazy dream that we were operating a homemade Twizzlers factory out of our kitchen, but the Taliban raided our house and snatched all of the product, claiming that it wasn’t Halal (like Kosher is to Jews). Thankfully, no one was harmed in the raid. How bizarre.

I read a post on friend’s Facebook wall recently about a Yahoo group called MOMYS. It stands for Mothers Of Many Young Siblings. I thought: Cool! Maybe I’ll find some sanity-keeping resources or meet some other lady friends. I went to the group site and was disappointed to find not much more than a recipe for Amish Friendship Bread and homeschool links. Please don’t get me wrong – I’ve got absolutely nothing against homeschooling, and I like baked goods from scratch just as much as the next gal.

The fact is, my kids attend public school and are not hardened criminals, and I feed my family store-bought bread (albeit, I usually get whole grain) and everyone is quite healthy. (I did make muffins for breakfast this morning – gasp! – from a mix!)

It’s just that I went to that group site hoping to find a connection and left feeling isolated.

I started thinking about other women executives and professionals I know. A few have one or two grown children, a couple of them have no children, a couple have one or two high schoolers &/or middle schoolers. A few have just one young child. I read once that women in my demographic are grossly underrepresented in politics, not because they don’t want to be engaged, but because family commitments dissuade them from running for office. Come to think of it, I cannot think of a single woman in my sphere of influence with a gaggle (more than three?) of young children who works full-time outside the home.

Let me say upfront that I positively love my job. I feel like my education, skills and previous work experience have culminated into this career path, and I really believe that I’m contributing something useful to the world by doing what I do. I’m not trying to sound silly; I honestly do love my job. Even if I could afford to stay at home full-time, I wouldn’t choose to do so. I think that’s what sets me apart from MOMYS. I know that my kids are still being loved and cared for even when we’re apart for several hours during the day (and no, I don’t feel like the daycare or school is “raising” them … that’s such a misnomer. The daycare – a good one, at least – should reinforce and supplement what they’re being trained at home, and parents should know what their kids are being taught in school and encourage lifelong individual learning.)

To be totally honest, I think they get a better quality of “me” in the mornings and late afternoon/evenings than they would if we were together all day. Going to the office and focusing on my work sort of serves as necessary alone time for me.

One thing I do wish I had is a female mentor – someone who has walked along this path, even if she’s only a few steps ahead. I know it’s unrealistic to find someone who is in my exact situation; besides, I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. (Granted, if it weren’t for my mom and dear friends, I don’t know what I’d do. My mom would – and did! – take on the full-time responsibility for my nephews, but it would be ludicrous to ask that of her permanently. We do make a good team, and I’m eternally grateful.)

Surely, though, there’s another woman out there who is balancing work/life with several children in her care. It doesn’t do me any good for one more person to shake their head and tell me with pity in their voice, “I don’t know how you do it.” I know they mean well, but sometimes I don’t know how I do it! *smacks forehead: Thanks for the reminder! I just do – one day at a time. It just would be nice to know that I’m not alone.